I am Breathing, I am Blessed

By Vivian Gonzalez on July 18, 2013

I am quite the stranger to stress, depression and the like, but last saturday I realized that I am not as cheerful as I used to be.  It was a borderline sickening revelation for me; I was quite fond of my exuberance and positivity.  However, I’m not one to linger on things (that fact remains) and decided that if it was time to kiss my -often referred to as irritating- bubbliness goodbye, then so be it, I’d welcome the change.  But before I made such drastic and irrevocable acceptance of what seemed to me a new person, I wanted to know what I was changing into and why.  It was then I realized that I was facing an internal battle of juxtapositions: though I was more vain than ever, I was utterly insecure; though I felt professionally and scholarly accomplished, I also felt I was going nowhere. Though I loved those who surrounded me, I knew I could not keep them forever because they could contribute little to no personal gain, and the list went on.  To make matters worse, the stress of my “just around the corner” college graduation and prospects of tomorrow blinded my present, my desire to progress and prepare for the soon to arrive battle in the real world.  Instead of feeling pride at my accomplishments, I was, scared.  This was, in turn, causing me to subconsciously alienate myself from others in order to save them the trouble of dealing with such a person.  Consequently, I felt alone, sad, and completely hopeless.  My light was extinguished, I was certain. I had lost my glow and whatever had guided me in the past had completely deserted me, perhaps deservedly so.  How thoroughly… pathetic.

The following morning I got news that my best friend’s uncle had passed away, victim of a third world country’s violent crime rate.  My friend was thoroughly distraught, mostly lamenting the fact that due to lack of funds on both ends of the family, she hadn’t seen her uncle in over ten years.  She related her thoughts on the incident, explaining that her uncle had been helpless in the sequence of events, simply and peacefully withdrawing funds from an ATM before being brutally assaulted then shot to death.  It was precisely in that moment that I felt more ungrateful and pathetic than ever.  There I was, on the other end of the phone conversation, grasping at the air for the proper words to say when just hours before I was complaining about my own existence.  How dare I? I was breathing, I am breathing, therefore I am blessed.  My generation is under constant scrutiny- we are perpetually pressured to perfect ourselves, to not make the same mistakes of those previous us.  And though this can get stressful, it is not always a bad thing, because, truthfully, we should crave progress!  Though we have much to prove, last Sunday I realized that not all is lost as long as we strive for the personal improvement required to perfect our society.  Only then will we prosper as one.
I’ve made new goals for myself, created a new alma-matter, so to speak, and I encourage you all to do the same.  There is nothing wrong with feeling low every once in a while, questioning your purpose is not only a natural but also important part of life.  However, staying low is not an option! Find and eliminate everything and anything that holds you back, then move forward.  I guarantee you, you’ll find happiness in that.

Follow Uloop

Apply to Write for Uloop News

Join the Uloop News Team

Discuss This Article

Back to Top

Log In

Contact Us

Upload An Image

Please select an image to upload
Note: must be in .png, .gif or .jpg format
OR
Provide URL where image can be downloaded
Note: must be in .png, .gif or .jpg format

By clicking this button,
you agree to the terms of use

By clicking "Create Alert" I agree to the Uloop Terms of Use.

Image not available.

Add a Photo

Please select a photo to upload
Note: must be in .png, .gif or .jpg format